The Lack of a Mother
by iftheworldwasonfire
Summary: Somewhere, Thalia thinks about her mother, and comes to an understanding. Rated T for drinking. I don't own Coming Home; the respected owners do.


**So, I asked in my story Of Shocks and Seashells if I should do a songfic about Jason and Thalia...but this is more about Thalia and her relationship with her mom. It's for mother's day. ENJOY!  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson nor do I own the song Coming Home.**

**Thalia's Point of View**

I sit on the bed in m cabin, hacking away with a pair of scissors at a picture of my mom and I. It's the only one I have.

Today is mother's day. I hate this holiday. It reminds me of...well, my mom. But she was never, _ever_ my mom. Ever.

I continue to cut up the picture until it tears apart in two pieces. Like how my heart is right now. On one side is my mom. Glamorous, wavy blond hair, icy blue eyes, luminous skin, lips curved upward in a stiff, fake grin. Wearing a short red dress that's barely decent. Me, on the other side. Six years old. Black hair curled in ringlets that fall down to my chin, blue eyes miserable, my mouth in more of a grimace than a smile. Wearing a porcelain blue dress that looks better suited on a porcelain doll than me.

_I'm coming home,_

_I'm coming home,_

_tell the World I'm coming home._

_Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday._

_I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes._

_I'm coming home, I'm coming home_

_tell the World I'm coming..._

I don't know how many times I wished I had stayed with my mom. But then I reminded myself that she never loved me and never would. I wished I could go back home. But I didn't have a home anymore. I never had a home. I wish my mom could forgive me. But she's dead now. She died in a car crash. It was raining, and she was drunk.

One stupid mistake, one squeal of the tires on the slick road, one crunching impact.

_Back where I belong, yeah, I never felt so strong._

_(I'm back baby)_

Now I'm back. Back where I belong. With Percy, with Annabeth, with Grover. Not with my sick, twisted mom. 

"_You're such a disappointment! You're weak and stupid! I wish you had never been born!" my mom shouted. _

"_Mom," I whispered, my throat tightening as tears blurred my vision. "I'm not-"_

"_Shut up, you miserable wretch!" my mom screamed. "I never want to see you ugly, weak face again!"_

I'm not weak. I'm strong. I'm stronger than my mom will ever be.

_I feel like there's nothing that I can't try,_

_and if you with me put your hands high,_

_(put your hands high)_

I've proved to myself that I'm not weak. I've never been weak. I'm strong, both mentally and physically.

_If you ever lost a light before, this one's for you,_

_and you, the dreams are for you _

Jason. Just his name brings a lump to my throat, and a wave of guilt and grief washes over my whole body. I don't even remember him. Just flashes. Wisps of curly blond hair, bright blue eyes alight with happiness, a small fist waving at me before I went to get the picnic basket. Coming back, finding Jason missing and my mother crying. She killed him. Or kidnapped him. Or let him get taken. It's her fault he's gone. But it's my fault, too. If only I had stayed with him for one more minute...I wish I could just see him one more time...losing Jason was the last straw. I ran away.

_I hear "The Tears of a Clown"_

_I hate that song._

_I always feel like they talking to me when it comes on._

_Another day another Dawn,_

_another Keisha, nice to meet ya, get the math I'm gone._

_What am I s'posed to do when the club lights come on?_

_Its easy to be Puff, its harder to be Sean._

_What if the twins ask why I ain't marry their mom- (why, darn!)_

_how do I respond? _

Why did my dad have to abandon me? Was I such a disappointment, such a mistake that he couldn't stand me? If so, then why did he come back and have Jason? What did he see in my mom? Why couldn't he get Jason back?

So many questions. Questions I've been asking for years.

And still no answers.

_What if my son stares with a face like my own,_

_and says he wants to be like me when he's grown?_

"_I hope I'm never as terrible and horrible as you when I grow up!" _Those words were shouted at my mother in a fit of anger, and a moment of desperately wanting a better mom.

_Shoot! But I ain't finished growing._

My mom wasn't mature. She was a spoiled brat who couldn't get a grip on life. I was always the mom of our family. The responsible one, the one who didn't act childish.

_Another night the inevitable prolongs._

_Another day another Dawn,_

I don't know how many times I thought when I woke up, 'this day is the day that changes my life. This is the day my dad will come back, the day Jason will come back, the day my mom will quite drinking, waiting for my dad to come back, and finally steps up to be the head of the house.

_just tell Keisha and Teresa I'll be better in the morn'_

My mom wasn't ever better, no matter what she insisted.

_Another lie that I carry on,_

_I need to get back to the place I belong._

I thought I belonged with my mom. That my house was the place where I belonged. But I was wrong.

I belong here. In Camp Half-Blood. With my friends. Little did I know, the whole time I was on the run was to get back to the place where I belonged.

_I'm coming home,_

_I'm coming home,_

_tell the World I'm coming home._

_Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday._

_I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes._

_I'm coming home, I'm coming home,_

_tell the World that I'm coming... _

No matter what happened before, I'm here now, and no one cares about your past. They accept you here.

_"A House is Not a Home." - I hate this song._

_Is a house really a home when your loved ones are gone?_

My house was never a home. A home is a place where you feel safe, happy, relaxed. I'm not even sure Camp Half-Blood is a home.

_ "I HATE YOU! NEVER COME BACK HERE AGAIN!" my mom yelled, hurling a half-empty beer bottle at me, which hits a cabinet on the way and shatters it. Shards of glass hit my bare flesh and I scream in pain._

_And people got the nerve to blame you for it_

_and you know you woulda took the bullet if you saw it._

Why did it have to be Jason? Why couldn't it have been me? If I was there, I could've stopped it. I loved him more than anything, and I let him get taken.

_But you felt it and still feel it_

_and money can't make up for it or conceal it._

My mom couldn't hide the depression she felt, and it exploded out of her in fits of anger.

_But you deal with it and you keep ballin'_

_pour out some liquor, play ball and we keep ballin'._

She'd use alcohol as an escape. But all it did was make it worse.

"_Mom, what are all these bottles-?" _

"_SHUT UP AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!"_

_Baby we've been living in sin 'cause we've been really in love_

_but we've been living as friends,_

_so you've been a guest in your own home,_

_it's time to make your house your home. _

_Pick up your phone, come on._

My mom never got over anything that happened. My dad leaving here, Jason being captured or killed, me abandoning her. I don't know how many times she cried, she shouted at the sky, cursing my dad, tried to get him back, to communicate with him.

_I'm coming home,_

_I'm coming home,_

_tell the World I'm coming home._

_Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday._

_I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes._

_I'm coming home, I'm coming home,_

_tell the World that I'm coming..._

_"Ain't No Stopping Us Now", I love that song_

_whenever it comes on it makes me feel strong._

_I thought I told y'all that we won't stop,_

_We back cruising through Harlem, these old blocks._

_It's what made me, saved me, drove me crazy,_

_drove me away than embraced me,_

_forgave me for all of my shortcomings,_

_welcome to my homecoming,_

_yeah, it's been a long time coming._

_Lot of fights, lot of scars, lot of bottles,_

_lot of cars, lot of ups, lot of downs,_

"_GET OUT OF HERE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, YOU BIG, STUPID, IDIOT!" SMACK!  
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"_Mom" sob "that hurt."_

"_Oh, sweetie, where did you get that horrible bruise on your cheek?'' my teacher asked, her eyes worried._

"_I...ran into a pole," I answered. _

_Made it back, lost my dog (I miss you BIG)_

_and here I stand, a better man! (a better man)_

_Thank you Lord (Thank you Lord)._

I was revived for a bad reason. I was revived to be the child of the prophecy, to help Kronos take over the world. But I'm going to use this curse, or blessing, rather, to my advantage. Help my mom, find my brother.

_I'm coming home,_

_I'm coming home,_

_tell the World I'm coming home._

_Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday._

_I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes._

_I'm coming home, I'm coming home,_

_tell the World that I'm coming..._

The picture flutters down on top of my sky blue sheets, torn in half. Me on one side, my mom on the other. Just like it's always been. Quickly, fingers trembling, I set a match alight, only pausing a moment to watch the stunning flame, the small light casting huge shadows over the walls in Cabin One. Then, quickly, I bring the flame to the edge of the torn part of the photo that shows my mom. The fire spreads, eating away at my mom, reducing the photo to an unrecognizable heap of charred, swirling black dust.

"Happy Mother's Day," I say grimly, blowing out the match, watching as swirls of silvery smoke disappear into thin air.

**Well, this is my first songfic...it probably wasn't great...oh, well. I changed some of the lyrics in the song to keep it clean.**

**Please review!**

**~lilmissf**


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